Healthy relationships consist of two individuals who are capable of working on themselves in order to make the
relationship flourish. As human beings we often have a hard time owning our contribution to the relationship dynamic and instead point the finger at our partner, blaming them for the challenges at hand. This leads to various cycles and patterns that are unhealthy and unsatisfying. Want to make a change for the better?
How to Help Your Partner Through a Loss by: Tia Sorensen
This past week I lost my grandmother. I won’t lie, it has been rough. My mom’s parents helped raise me since I was 6 weeks old and
I’m pretty sure my grandpa will continue to raise me even though I’m almost 30. My mom was single for most of my childhood, so my brother and I spent a lot of time with our grandparents. We would go to their house in the morning before school, go back after school, do homework, sometimes have dinner, then my mom would pick us up and take us home. The next day we would repeat the cycle. I learned a lot of life lessons, developed a love for The Music Man, The Lawrence Welk Show, and Meet Me in St. Louis with Judy Garland, and ate the candy bars grandparents always seem to have stashed away.
This was the first real close death experience I have had in my life. I’ve experienced friends losing parents or children, but this was my own family. I was there when she died and waited a week to experience the funeral. I played a piano solo she had picked out months before she died, just in case. While I pride myself on having a keen ability to endure difficult times, I couldn’t hide the pain from my husband, Jake.
Jake taught me a lot over the past couple of weeks. It wasn’t until the funeral was over and I seized the opportunity to get back to normal that I realized the many silent services he provided during that time. I want to share a few simple things he did to make dealing with this loss a lot easier..
He's Taking Custody of Our Mutual Friends by: Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC
Dear Toni-
I’m a soon to be divorced, childless female in my early thirties. My almost ex Andy and I have been married for four years but together for over 10.
Our relationship has had many ups and downs and eventually some deal-breakers emerged that led us to this difficult decision. Divorce is hard- there is no way around that and even when it is amicable there are losses, regrets and wasted years. What I didn’t really anticipate yet am struggling with the most is the estrangement that is happening between me and a number of our mutual friends. When Andy and I met we both had our own circle of friends. Over time, his friends became mine and vice versa- and one of the great things about being married has been our social group.
However, once we began telling people about our decision to divorce, a number of “our” friends have been taking sides- mostly his. I have tried to talk to him about this and have asked him if he has been sharing personal details or communicating in some way that it would be hard for him if they remained friends with me. He usually offers a weak denial that leads me to believe he is not being completely honest with me. I have been very careful not to disclose much to our mutual friends and have never even hinted that I expect anyone to choose sides. Since talking to Andy about this has not been helpful, would it be a good idea to approach a couple of these people to explore how they are feeling about the split and whether they plan to maintain friendships with both of us once the divorce is final? I fear that if I do nothing, I will end up virtually friendless. This can’t be a unique situation for folks who divorce, so I’m hoping I can benefit from your experience working with it. – Being divorced By Friends